Random Thoughts of an Eternal Cocksucker

1. I have sucked so many cocks and fucked so many arses I can’t imagine ever killing another man.

2. If we say #JeSuisCharlie then we must also explore the ways in which we are #JeSuisTerroriste.

3. In the parts of the world where I grew up, people are still being killed all the time. I’ve seen body parts in trees. I’ve seen people screech for the killing of other people, their neighbours from down the road, across the border.

4. D. and I make love and my fingers are down his throat and I whisper in his ear “I’m going to kill you” and he nods and presses his body closer to mine. Afterwards, we lie there holding each other, talking about the new album he’s working on.

5. I grew up with depictions of Der Ewige Jude and similar images of my people. There was always a direct link between caricatures and concentration camps; hooked-nosed, money-grabbing cartoons were connected to the killing of my people over centuries.

6. If, for example, the English did in their own backyard what what they did elsewhere – tortured, bombed, uprooted, killed – this island would be a very different place. Just after the Nazis finished doing their nastiness, the English carried on doing theirs in Kenya, in India, in Aden, in Cyprus. Amongst other places. And that’s only in the past 60 years. I guess if I googled, I could read more about what the French have done, the Belgians, the Dutch.

7. This is not about us and them. This is all about us. There is no them. We are all us.

8. The more people I have sex with, the more I like people. Last night at the sauna, for example, this guy called Michael who I’ve had sex with before, was happy to see me and before you knew it I was inside him and we were calling each other baby. He’s 6’3″ and probably weighs about 110 kilos, all muscle, and, my god, the tenderness, the smiling and joyful tenderness between us, and the gratitude, mine for being welcomed in, his for the chance to be open and pleasured.

9.  Two men from Africa. I like it when that happens. It’s a long way from Jo’berg to Lagos, but still. With the guy from Taiwan it was different. 50 kilos to my 95. Ming shaves once a month, and then only his chin and upper lip. My chest is covered in hair. “Your cock’s so hard,” I say to him, and he says: “Asian Power.”

10. You can’t separate things.

11. They were brothers. The brothers were orphans. The brothers were French. They had guns and they killed people. What makes people want to kill their own people? What made Germans want to kill other Germans (otherwise known as Jews)? What makes Americans want to kill other Americans (otherwise known as homosexuals, otherwise known as black people)?

12. Imagine if the Iraqis bombed Warsaw. Imagine if the Afghans invaded Denmark. Imagine if… I don’t know… make something up.

13. Imagine if Said Kouachi had had more sex, any sex, been joyfully promiscuous, had the chance to sleep with men or women from Australia, Tajikistan, Mongolia, Uruguay, Slovenia. You name it. Because really, how can you want to kill people if you’re getting your cock sucked on a regular basis, or your arse licked, or your nipples played with. It’s naive to think it all boils down to that, but it does.

14. Some people are miserable. Even at the gym, some people don’t say hello to you.

15. In one of the Charlie Hebdo cartoons, Mohammed is on all fours with a star on his arse. The caption says “a star is born.” The way I see it, there’s a link between that and killing Muslims.

16. Nobody should be killed.

17. I wish I was more of an intellectual and had the capacity and language to whip out my vast erudition, to find ways to link everything up, to lay out concise and precise surveys, to state facts, have the numbers, but I’m not and I don’t. For most of my life I have felt safe in my surroundings, about as safe as any Jew can feel, except for a few days when I lived in Tel Aviv and we were bombed, except for a few years when the suicide bombers came to town. It was terrible. But we had running water, we had electricity, we had the financial means to escape. We had food. I’m not sure what I’m trying to say.

18. I don’t believe in the freedom of speech. You can’t say whatever you like. There are so many ways to say “I will kill you” or “I am killing you” or “You mean nothing to me”.

19. Leelah Alcorn: “My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say ‘that’s fucked up’ and fix it. Fix society.”

20. Last year at my local bathhouse twenty people died of too much drugs.

21. Imagine.

 

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